


holding a quarter in his hand

by Nevcolleil



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-02 13:31:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20276701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevcolleil/pseuds/Nevcolleil
Summary: The last thing he wants is for either of them to end up standing over a new grave with a quarter in his hand... and one more regret in his heart.





	holding a quarter in his hand

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been able to write in too long, but I've wanted to so badly. Today I had a rare moment of free time that coincided with a little burst of inspiration and I wrote this random, idle thing, just to stretch out the old typing fingers and dust off my computer keys :p
> 
> It was inspired by the photo found d here: https://nevcolleil.tumblr.com/post/187062354810/it-takes-mac-a-long-time-before-hes-comfortable

It takes Mac a long time before he's comfortable saying when he's going to visit Pena... because it takes that long before he knows that if Jack offered to go with him, Mac would be comfortable letting him.

He takes the change with him because his grandfather always left pennies and nickels and dimes on the headstones of the men he visited when Mac was young.

As he and Jack walk through the cemetery, four coins in his pocket, the occasional, nearly imperceptible clink of them against one another nags at the back of Mac's mind - a memory that won't fully form even when he picks at it.

Jack's keeping up a steady stream of cheerful chatter, with one eye always half trained towards Mac when Mac spots Jack in his peripheral - watching Mac for the moment when Mac needs silence more than he needs to be distracted, a moment Mac doesn't feel coming today. 

He's come to give Alfe his respects, because it's been too long, and to give Jack this opportunity to be here with Mac when he does it - this opening - because it feels like time Mac started letting Jack see more of the ways in which Mac feels open to him (if he ever wants to get this... whatever between them out in the open, and Mac does.) But Mac can't give either of those things more thought than he already is. Together, the two are too much.

It's only when Jack's gone silent as Mac places his penny, nickle, dime and quarter on top of Pena's headstone- just before they leave - that the almost-memory at the back of Mac's mind starts to nag again.

At first, Mac thinks Jack is going to ask about the nickle. It's not necessarily true, technically - Pena and he weren't "at" basic *together* - but Mac knew Alfe while he was there, wouldn't have made it all the way through, Mac thinks, if he hadn't, and so Mac's always thought that the nickle just felt right.

But Jack gives Mac one of his sad smiles and says, "You do that too, huh?"

And there's the memory. All the times Jack's said he was going to the cemetery... He always visits his Pops, but he usually stops by a few other graves on his way. Mac remembers now the sound of change jangling in Jack's pocket as he's walked away. 

"Yeah... uh. Harry did. So." 

"That's cool, man. It's an old tradition, you know. Not a lot of people do it anymore- didn't even back when Pops first told me about it."

"Yeah, I know."

That's all they say about it at the time, but the next time Jack casually mentions where he's going after a lazy breakfast, Mac quickly offers to go with him.

The smile that spreads across Jack's face makes Mac's heart thump double time. Their "whatever" isn't out - yet - but it feels so close sometimes now, Mac feels like a single step would put them close enough to touch it. 

Then, in Jack's car, Mac notices the slight bulge of Jack's jean pocket.

At the cemetary, Jack's unusually quiet. Uncharacteristically nervous. The first couple of times he sets the coins down in their intended destinations, he sneaks little sideways peaks at Mac. Once the quarters start coming out, he doesn't look at Mac at all.

They visit a lot of graves.

And god there are a lot of quarters.

By the time they're done, Mac's face feels tight... his own voice sounds wrong in his mouth, and he doesn't think he could love Jack Dalton even an insignificant amount more than he does at that very minute. (He's thought this a few times before. He's pretty sure he can and will, given the opportunity.)

Once Jack's paid his last respects and taken a moment, he turns to Mac, one of his *intentionally-not sad* smiles stretched beneath his deep, dark eyes and Mac doesn't know what words are gathering up to pass past his lips. But the hand at the back of Jack's neck as he rubs at it hints that the words will be self-conscious somehow- self-deprecating, probably, if Mac knows Jack. And that's all that Mac can take.

(Mac knows Jack really well.)

Mac moves quickly but calmly. Like the few other things that have ever felt this right to Mac, it doesn't feel like he's racing to grab an opportunity that's presented itself to him. He feels like he's stepping through a door that's been opened to *him*, and there's a feeling a bit like reverence adding to the tightness in his chest.

Mac lays one hand over Jack's where it's frozen at the back of his neck and places the other one at Jack's waist. Then Mac presses his lips to Jack's just as the other man's words disintegrate and his breath hitches.

For a moment, no longer, Mac is kissing unresponsive lips and feeling real fear for the first time since Afghanistan. And then, with a sigh, Jack's arms, strong and warm, wrap themselves around Mac, and Jack kisses Mac back like he's been waiting to do it *since* Afghanistan. 

Just the thought makes Mac feel for a second like nothing bad has ever happened to him - or ever could.

It makes him feel alive.

If either of them could... Mac knows that he and Jack would go back and make it so there were no men here - men who should still be out in the world, living among them - lying in boxes where all either of them can offer is a handful of coins and their regret.

If they'd do that for the men they've visited today, and for Pena, the least they can do for one another is make sure that neither of them is ever standing over a new grave, holding a quarter in his hand... and one more regret than he ought to have in his heart.

Jack breaks away first, face pressed close to Mac's, breathing in Mac's breath and into Mac's parted lips, hands framing Mac's face. And he says, "Oh, man... I was starting to think I was never gonna get to do that." He presses another kiss to Mac's lips and admits, "Kept working up the nerve, then chickening out again."

"Same here," Mac confesses, but adds: "I'm sure you would have worked something out eventually."

Jack's smile is the absolute opposite of anything like sad. He's all teeth and laugh lines and a glint in those dark eyes, as he says, real gratitude in his voice, "Well, thank god one of us worked up the nerve before me or both of us is lyin' around in one of these, 'stead a just hangin' around one, huh?" 

It's pretty much what Mac has just been thinking, but there's something different about the thought spoken out loud and in Jack's matter-of-fact tone. He squeezes Jack tighter, kisses him harder for a moment before saying, "I will happily hang out at any cemetary you want, whenever you ask... Just so long as you stay on this side of the headstone with me."

Jack grins into Mac's lingering kiss.

"Deal," he agrees.


End file.
